I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This beer is not sobering me up at all
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
