it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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