One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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