So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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