I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
