First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
