she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
