So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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