dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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