first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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