Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
