I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
