She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
