I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
