who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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