he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
