I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
