just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
