i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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