I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
