Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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