i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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