my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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