maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
