just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
