I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
