There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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