You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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