why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
