I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
