shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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