the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
