Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to calm my uterus...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize