Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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