I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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