how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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