i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.