i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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