Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (278) Good night (4616) Bad night (69167)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough. http://tfl.nu/u5ru
  Replies (26) Good night (758) Bad night (4182)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (7426) Bad night (4101)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany! http://tfl.nu/9nli
  Replies (14) Good night (6759) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/k43u
  Replies (4) Good night (2300) Bad night (1470)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life. http://tfl.nu/olll
  Replies (5) Good night (3661) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face. http://tfl.nu/gh9q
  Replies (9) Good night (1227) Bad night (2395)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.

  (254): View more from Texas

  He's majoring in Religion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka. (254): He's majoring in Religion http://tfl.nu/gx54
  Replies (9) Good night (2557) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain. http://tfl.nu/rwko
  Replies (5) Good night (1435) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER http://tfl.nu/mt7u
  Replies (5) Good night (1346) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF. http://tfl.nu/pvmt
  Replies (12) Good night (2665) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF? http://tfl.nu/wyh2
  Replies (1) Good night (1209) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor. http://tfl.nu/92v5
  Replies (5) Good night (475) Bad night (1200)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  50% drunk capacity currently

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): 50% drunk capacity currently http://tfl.nu/1j9a
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing. http://tfl.nu/cw14
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (487)

Randomize