been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
