weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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