Sponge bath it is.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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