my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
