dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
