Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
