Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
