I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
