im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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