Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
These tits shall not be calmed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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