I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
