man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Welp...herpes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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