This is not my ceiling
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
