Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
