The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize