I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
