she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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