if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
