when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
