All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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