i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
