Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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