So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
