i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
