woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
