Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
