the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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