I didn't shave. On purpose
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
