I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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