You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
