we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
