hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm at about main and main street
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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