Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
