New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
